Being happy is my only aspiration.

That feeling beyond. The one where you get so excited you can’t bear the idea of pain.

That feeling in the sunrise. When you look at the sky, the crease of a smile begins.

That feeling floating. Where you raise your hands because it’s that close to you.

That feeling crawling. When you feel it caressing your back as it makes its way up your spine, to your brain.

It’s that feeling I experince. But it’s beyond a feeling. It is my life. It is my state of being. It is where I should be, What I should want, What everyone should experince more then once in there life.

Sometime happiness may seem unattainable. But it is what you make it. It is how you take it. You may reject happiness because to be angry is easy.

Anger is a slow death, but it is the easiest death most choose. Happiness is the key to life, but to be happy is to be strong.

So be strong, show your strength and smile a genuine smile, and be the happiness you deserve.

 You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I’m bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
…Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

take me away with the wind,wash me away with the rain,breathe me in with the sunlight

follow me into the forest.lose yourself in the moment of my touch.love endlessly with all your might.

 i fight you.i want you away.but inside i need you.closer then you will know.

consider my heart.consider what you do.for your actions cut deep inside me more then you would know.

 i wish. i wished upon a broken soul,your bruised ego,hopes that it would heal my wounded heart.in hopes we would become one,together, forever and always.

i wished for the impossible.i strived to fix the permanently damaged.

we were never meant.

so goodbye beautiful,.

 you wont be taking me away with the wind,washing me away with the rain, or breathing me in with the sunlight.,

can i find a way out of this mess,

can someone tell me the answers?

i wish things could be like they were..

now im just hurt,left with this chaos in my brain, all these ups and downs. this endless roller coaster. can you please shut the ride off? can you do that one thing for me.?

thats all i ask of you..

im not even making you admit to your lies. stop doing this.

this feels too much like my past. i dont like it.

my stomach is in knots, its doing summersaults.

you told me i could trust you,

WRONG.

i should have never told you all i did.

but ooops, too late.

damage is already done.

now once again, i am left with these shattered pieces,and i have to find there places. like a fucking jig saw puzzel. my life,my heart,my soul.

your not who i thought you were.

stay away from me please. take your eyes away from me. pretend i dont exist

because

your already gone to me.

fell to side with all my tears..

search for the impossible.

let me tell you something, your amazing.

i never would have thought we would become this close, but we did. and i am so grateful for our friendship.

your probably one of the strongest girls i know, the things you have been through i couldnt even come close to imagining,

you have a beautiful soul,an amazing smile,and a big heart.

your attributes are ones i only dream of aquiring.

you have always been there for me, you know me too well. you know when i want a hug, you know all the right moments to wipe my tears. you may not always know what to say, but your eyes say it all. knowing that i have your presence is all i ever needed.

your the sun in my life. your the grass when i need a place to lay.

without you i could not have become myself. you have influenced me in more ways then you know. you make me want to be a better person. you aspire me to smile wider. you shine the light on my darkest days.

you lay your hand on my head when we sleep in my bed. you pour me glasses of o.p.m. you let me sit in the front even though i lost the bet. you let me yell when the littlest thing has struck a nerve. you accept my flaws. my anger.my fears.my lonliness.my foolish mistakes.my outburst.my hidden kindness. everything emily

you accept everything.

and i want you to know i accept you, forever and always.

i accept what people wont,i accept what you dont.

Emily Rose Bixby i love you. no matter what :)

my hairs long now

i smiler bigger now

i hug more now

i breathe in the sunlight

i let the wind carry me away

i let the water touch my toes

as i lay in the grass, i let it tickle my arm. the air fits so sweetly with me.

i once,

hated my short hair

forced a fake smile

hugged few

i winced when the sun shined and sighed as the wind blew my way

i forgot,

the beauty of the green i could lay in,the water that could take away the pain.

i rested with the beauty today, and i realized how much i missed

i realized how much i have changed.

I CONTRADICT

Im a bitch,but hold all the sweetness

Im impatient,but i love to wait for the right

Im wild,but contain in the moments needed

Im happy,but keep secret the sadness

Im angry,but strive to calm the pulsing beat

Im confident,but stare in the mirrior and see the flaws written all over my body

Im smart,but critisize all my work

Im secure,but all i desire is to have someone beside

I smile,but cover the fake as it attempts to shine

I push them away,but pray they will run right back

You listen,but dont hear

You see,but dont focus

You think you know,but really you have no clue

What you should know now, i contradict.

FATHER OF MINE

taught me how to ride a bike, taught me to be tuff and never let people stand in my way.

showed me the ropes of life.

but then,

i saw YOU.

this man, that hurt my mom, my family, my world.

your words, sharp as knives.

you scream,

STUPID.

BITCH.

CUNT.

WORTHLESS.

FAT.

DISGUSTING.

i cant breathe, i begin to shake, i cry, i cant move. you tell me to stop. get over yourslef. you selfish little girl. quit crying. you roll those eyes,that burn my heart.

FATHER OF MINE

it was you who battered her ego, it was you who shoved her into corners. it was you who lost control and ran after her, it was you father who left those bruises on her,and it was you who did it in front of me. and it was you who told me to get over it.

FATHER OF MINE

you taught me that not all little girls have dads that are there superman.

you shaped me into this person. this person, who shakes when arguing with a man, this person who thinks love doesnt last. this person who belives she is weak if she lets herself cry.

i am now a quiet shadow in your life. i speak when spoken to becasue i want to avoid the hit. the words. the tears.

your the person who made me put a razor to that wrist,just to try and imagine what it would be like to escape. so many nights, i would lie in my bed, crying myself to sleep, just hoping you would leave me alone. hope you wouldnt touch sister, touch mom. hope you would stop damaging my family.and underneath it all, stop burisng you impressionable little girl.

FATHER OF MINE

where did you go?

when you would come home from work, arms open wide, saying, “theres my pretty girl” but what am i thinking, thats when we were a family!

now you come home, get your glass of whisky, i make my escape to my room, praying to avoid an argument.

i cant bear you words anymore. when you yell in my face, when you make me feel worthless, i shut down.

FATHER OF MINE

i use to cry because of your words, but that was becasue i thought you were my super hero

FATHER OF MINE

i no longer cry, becasue now i know your no longer my super dad.

you are in my thoughts everyday,

your scent, your touch, your voice, i miss it all.

you took what only one person could take from a girl, once.

i will never recieve it back. my first everything.

i was so madly, deeply in love with a man that bruised me.

everyone said no, everyone warned,

but i gave you a chance, because i saw your beauty.

please, why?

why did you hurt me? why did you take it from me? why did you lie? why did you cheat my heat into foolishly falling in love with a foolish man as such as youself?

everyday i wish you were laying next to me again, holding me the way you always did, as much as i always pushed you away, i only wanted you closer. few have come to the expectations you left. few have touched my heart like you did. but none, nobody, willl leave the scar you left.

you changed me. and not for the better.

because of you, i cant look in the mirror and see that once beautiful girl, becasue of you i cant let others get close. becasue of you my breaths rush when they try to express what they feel. becasue of you i cant smile without covering my mouth,becasue of you i hope and pray nobody watches me walk away. you left me hurt and broken. so deeply insecure, i had to pick up the pieces of i and try and find there place accordingly. some have been put together, others still lie on the floor waiting for you to handle with care. there fooled by the master though, becasue you dont handle with care. you destroy. i wont let you touch them. i am stronger though. i contadict. parts are beaten by your words,and the other parts are stronger becasue of uncontrolled hands.

let me remind you what you did besides leave me this way..

you let him come in and touch me, take away my dignity. you let him remove the skirt that wanted to stay tightly around my hips. you didnt save me, i thought you were my superman. i thought you were my hero, that night, i learned otherwise. i was left with the thoughts, the blurred images of his mouth touching my body as i tried my hardest to escape. you didnt help. in fact you became closer with the man that made me feel so low.

unforgiveable. thats what it took for me to realize you razor sharp actions, and how leathel they are.

but im glad, because i am no longer caught in your whirl spin of chaos. i am free now, to soar high away from your rath. to move on, to forgive, to love, to let them close, to let the others touch me without flinching, without the anxiety. i can now allow there love.

and i thank you. thankyou for destroying me. becasue of you i built myself again, and im just as beautiful without you.